Listen To What They Did

Most people have been provided with the incredible skill of knowing exactly what other people are doing wrong.  This finely tuned skill is brought to use almost every day in both our personal and professional lives.  When we decide to share our skill with people other than the actual subject, our critique takes a negative turn.  This decision to share the results of our skill improperly has earned various names:  backstabbing, criticizing, the blame game, spreading the feathers, throwing someone under the bus, rolling over on someone, constructive feedback, cover you *ss, pin the blame on the empty chair, etc.

 

This skill is so powerful that we can quickly look at someone’s life (personally or professionally) and apply the power of a microscope and list exactly what they have done wrong, said wrong, looked at someone wrong or wrote/texted someone wrong.  Successful coaching teaches people to put down the microscope and pick up the mirror.  How many times were we quick to blame someone else for an incident without even considering what we could have done differently to have prevented or eliminated the situation.

 

This sounds like an easy, straight forward act – just pick up the mirror and consider what you could have done differently!  History has shown that this is one of the single most difficult skills for a person to obtain, let alone complete with proficiency.  This action requires the highest level of emotional intelligence and the willingness to humble yourself and consider a broader view of what is happening around you and more deeply understand how our actions as leaders drive the actions and reactions of others.

 

The most difficult executives/individuals that we have ever worked with initially refused to look in the mirror and humbly accept their contribution to an incident or event.  By the same token, the most respected executives/individuals that we have ever worked with were able to assign blame during an incident – but only by pointing the finger at themselves and openly communicating “what they could have done better or differently”.  To learn the gift of self-reflection, shared in front of others, is one of the highest forms of emotional intelligence.