Carrying Someone Else's Water/Message

One of the most common mistakes by individuals, managers, spouses, anyone is the outward action of carrying someone else’s water (or message).  In many circumstances, people are put into a place where they feel obligated to deliver a negative message to someone after a third party has delivered the message to them.  The best example is when an employee comes into their manager, shuts the door and complains about a co-worker.  The manager, wanting to be a good listener and fulfill their role of accountability, will listen, ask questions and if the complaint is far-fetched or just whining will defer any action; however, more times than not, there is a grain of truth in the story told and the manager feels obligated to chat with the employee.

 

With absolute predictability, the story goes like this:

 

Step 1:  Employee A complains to the Manager about Employee B.

 

Step 2:  The Manager has a chat with Employee B about the behavior.  Employee B presses the Manager for who said something, “give me an example” or other specifics.  The Manager either fails or provide any specifics or provides either Employee A’s name or enough specifics that Employee B guesses who said something.

 

Step 3:  Employee B confronts Employee A about the conversation and accusation.

 

Step 4:  Employee A quickly and convincingly denies the issues, expresses praise for Employee B and works diligently to keep the peace – all the while mad that Manager must have said something and shared something said behind closed doors.

 

Step 5:  Manager is now discredited by Employee A for how they handled the problem and sacrificed them to Employee B and Employee B believes the Manager is a Liar!

 

That is what it means to “carry someone else’s water (or message).  It is a no-win situation for all parties and there is no positive change in behavior.

 

We coach people to teach others to “have their voice with the subject of their concern”.  Here is the better path:

 

Step 1:  Employee A complains to the Manager about Employee B.

 

Step 2:  The Manager asks Employee A, “what happened when you discussed your concerns with Employee B?”  Most of the time the answer is, “I didn’t say anything to Employee B”.  The Manager should respond to Employee A with, “you should express your concerns with Employee B directly – if that conversation doesn’t resolve the issue, then both of you should come see me together and we will discuss it.”

 

In this case, the Manager should NOT say anything to Employee B or even remind Employee A.  The reality of the situation is that Employee A either decided it wasn’t a big enough deal to have the conversation or the two employees talked the issue out.  In either case, the Manager is still intact, and the employees are taught to “have their voice with the person they have the issue with”.

 

 

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